Do bad memories or images ever haunt you? Do you sometimes flash back to some of the most traumatic moments of your past? For some reason, the human mind has a nasty tendency to forget important things like your mother’s birthday, but is more than happy to frequently remind you of the worst events of your life. Fortunately, there’s an antidote to this glitch in the human bio-computer. It’s called the Erasure Technique. In a matter of a few minutes, this powerful method can virtually neutralize the bad feelings associated with almost anything you’ve ever experienced. I’ve even used it with clients who have suffered from disturbing memories for many years. Whether you want to neutralize images of a minor car accident or the hurt from the ending of a relationship, the erasure technique can make a dramatic difference in your life. Continue reading →
Tag Archives: positive psychology
How to Let Go of Negative Emotions
When clients come into my office, they describe many types of problems. Yet, whatever their situation, they almost always complain that they feel stuck in feelings of anger, sadness, fear or hurt. In order to help my clients, I teach them something called The Sensation Meditation (SM). This meditation guides people to focus on their negative feelings in a specific manner. By helping people fully feel their emotions without distraction, this meditation helps people move through “stuck” feelings into a place of healing. When people finish using this simple three minute technique, they frequently report that their negative feelings have vanished, and that their body feels relaxed, peaceful, and at ease.
The first step in doing the Sensation Meditation is to find a comfortable chair or couch, and proceed to take a couple of slow, deep breaths. Then, scan your body and notice the most uncomfortable feeling or sensation you feel. Focus on this area of your body, and feel exactly whatever is there. For example, if you’re annoyed you might notice a tightness in your chest and a warm feeling in your throat. If you’re worried, you may notice a tension in your forehead muscles and shoulder blades. Ultimately, our emotions are experienced in our body as specific sensations such as warmth or coolness, tightness or relaxation, sharp or blunt, etc. As you notice uncomfortable sensations in your body, try to be aware of the resistance you have to experience these uncomfortable feelings. Instead of avoiding or pushing away the discomfort you feel, simply allow the sensations to be there. Give yourself full permission to feel whatever is going on in the present moment. Continue reading →
How to Encourage Yourself
When you were a child, your parents most likely rewarded you on a fairly regular basis. Perhaps they told you how pretty you were, or bought you an ice cream cone as a reward for cleaning the yard. However they did it, the rewards you received helped guide you, and made you feel loved. Unfortunately, once you left your parent’s home, there was probably no one around to play the role of encourager and guide for you. The truth is–if you don’t do it for yourself, it probably won’t get done. As adults, we need to learn how to give ourselves rewards so we can be encouraged to move in a positive direction. However, most adults either give themselves indulgences all the time, or they almost never do. By learning the art of giving ourselves rewards at appropriate times, we can come to benefit from this powerful tool. Continue reading →
How to Grow Your Self Esteem
In the movie Snow White, the queen asks her mirror who is the “fairest one of all.” The mirror breaks the bad news to her that there is someone much more beautiful than she. Like the queen, most of us have bought the idea that we are not as beautiful, worthy of love, or as good as someone else. Capitalizing on our insecurities and lack of self-worth, advertisers tell us that if we were only richer or more beautiful, we’d be loved. Although we may know better in theory, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to gain recognition from others as a substitute for our lack of self-love. Yet, there is no substitute for really liking yourself. Even if the whole world applauds you, if you don’t feel good about yourself, it doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, the sad truth is that most people don’t feel good about themselves. Therefore, what’s needed is a practical and powerful way to grow our sense of self-worth. Fortunately, there is a method that can greatly nurture and enhance a person’s sense of self esteem. I call it the Mirror Exercise (ME).
To do the Mirror Exercise, simply go to a mirror, (or find a hand held one), and look yourself in the eyes. Notice what thoughts or feelings come up for you. Then, begin talking to yourself out loud, as if you were talking to a really good friend. Tell the person in the mirror how much you care and appreciate him or her. Acknowledge what you’re proud of. Say things that the person in the mirror needs to hear in order to feel accepted and cared for. Imagine that you’re talking to a young, vulnerable child who needs to be encouraged. Here’s what your “conversation” might sound like:
“Hello Jonathan. How are you?
You’ve been 
feeling pretty stressed lately, haven’t you? Well, you’ve been busy helping a lot of people. You need to remember to take care of yourself. You deserve it. You’ve worked hard. It’s amazing all the tasks you do. I’m proud of the fact that you’ve become a very giving person over the years. I appreciate how you’re really committed to helping others. I like you. You’re often a lot of fun to be with. Some of the stories you said last night at the party were really funny. I appreciate your sense of humor. You don’t have to try so hard to be liked—because you are liked. Not for what you do, but for who you are. I want you to know that you’re doing just fine. Allow yourself to relax more and just receive all the goodwill people feel towards you. I respect who you are, and I want you to know I love you.”
Although there is no formula for what to say during this exercise, it’s helpful if you steer clear of put-downs. If you notice you begin to think of negative judgments during the ME, tell those thoughts, “Thank you for sharing, but right now I’m committed to loving myself.” You may find this exercise difficult to do at first, but it becomes easier with practice. It’s common for negative thoughts to arise, especially when you are complementing yourself. As you practice this exercise, you’ll notice that the self-criticisms fade more into the background, and the self-appreciations are taken in at a deeper level. After awhile, you’ll begin to feel a deep love and compassion for the person in the mirror.
There are many variations to the basic ME that can be tried for different effects.
For example, you may try to do this exercise completely naked in front of a full-length mirror. Most people are at war with their bodies, but the ME can help. By starting with specific parts of your body that you like, you can eventually get to accept every part of your anatomy. During this form of the Mirror Exercise, talk to the various parts of your body and try to develop a better relationship with them. For example, you might say, “Hello nose. As you know, you’re bigger than I would like you to be, but I am grateful for all the wonderful smells you send my way. I’m going to try to appreciate you more. You really do a great job. Thank you for adding to my life.”
If you have favorite affirmations you use for your growth, telling them while you look in the mirror is a way to “turbo-charge” their effect on you. The simple affirmation, “I am committed to loving you and taking care of you” is a powerful statement to say to yourself. Because the Mirror Exercise is so effective, there is often a lot of resistance to doing it. You may feel squeamish, silly, or stupid at first. In general, feelings of embarrassment or resistance are all signs that you could greatly benefit from this method. At first, the ME can bring to the surface how difficult it is for you to feel or express love for yourself. Yet with practice, those initial feelings of armoring will get peeled off like layers of an onion. You’ll soon be left with a loving relationship with yourself. When you look into the mirror, you’ll no longer hear a critical voice saying how you’re not good enough. Instead, you’ll appreciate that you are an absolutely perfect rendition of yourself.
How to Deal with Anger: The Adult Temper Tantrum
It’s been one of “those days.” 
Too much to do, and not enough time to do it. Your boss yells at you for something that wasn’t even your fault; by the time you make it home, you’re fed up and stressed out. You slam the door, and then walk past your partner without saying a word. Your mate asks you about your day and why you slammed the door. Just the fact that they say anything to you makes you even more annoyed. You tell them, “I didn’t slam the door. There’s nothing wrong. Why do you always have to question me?” You spend the rest of the evening upset.
Sound familiar? Some people play out scenes like this on a fairly regular basis. During the day, some event or person makes them angry, and they spend the rest of the day and evening affected by it. Although the original upset has long gone, they carry the residue of the event with them like a bag of bricks on their shoulders. Without a clearly defined way to rid themselves of their irritation, they spend many hours feeling annoyed for no apparent reason. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, they “blow-up” in reaction to just about anything.
It doesn’t need to be like this. Think of how infants react when they get angry. Typically, they get very upset, scream or cry for awhile, then quickly return to a state of contentment. Instead of holding-in their feelings, they fully let them out. Once all their anger has been expressed, they feel calm and at peace once again. Unfortunately, adults have not learned how to deal with anger so well. We’ve been conditioned to repress our feelings of anger and upset. Yet, like steam escaping from a heated pressure cooker, our anger and resentment leaks out, and because it is only allowed to leak out a little at a time, it can take a long while before adults can feel at peace again. Continue reading →
How to Overcome Depression without Medication: Hooray for Hypericum
Many people suffer from symptoms of minor depression sometime in their life. Persistent sadness, moodiness, lethargy, tiredness, or suicidal thoughts can all be signs that you’re in the grips of depression. What can you do? Historically, the recommended treatment has been to take drugs such as Prozac or Zoloft—sometimes coupled with therapy. Yet, these medications present a problem for many people. First of all, getting a prescription and buying these medications can cost hundreds of dollars. Secondly, many people find that anti-depressant medications don’t work at all or they can cause unpleasant side effects. Fortunately, some people can overcome depression naturally. An inexpensive and safe alternative to anti-depressant medications has recently become popular; it’s called Hypericum—but it’s better known as St. John’s Wort.
How to Overcome Depression Without Medication.
St. John’s Wort is derived from a yellow-flowered plant that has been ingested around the world for some 2,000 years. In 1994, the venerable Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry and Neurology devoted an entire issue to Hypericum. One study done with 3,250 patients suffering from mild and moderate depression found that 80 percent of them felt better, or completely free of symptoms, after four weeks. In Germany St. John’s Wort is the leading treatment for depression and is prescribed 25 times more frequently than Prozac. Best of all, St. John’s Wort can be picked up at your local health food store without a prescription, and costs a lot less than any anti-depressant on the market.
Although more research needs to be done on Hypericum/St. John’s Wort, by all accounts it is a great way for overcoming depression without traditional medications. Approximately 2.4% of those trying the herb experience side effects—ranging from restlessness to mild allergic reactions. The percentage of people who report side effects from Prozac or Zoloft is markedly higher. For example, approximately 20% of people who take Prozac experience headache, digestive difficulties and/or insomnia. While Hypericum may make some people sensitive to the sun, the absence of serious side effects is one of its biggest selling points.
If you suffer from mild or moderate depression from time to time
consider trying 
Hypericum as a way to overcome depression naturally. The recommended dosage is 300 milligrams of Hypericum extract, containing 0.3 percent of the active ingredient Hypericum, three times a day. It takes between one and four weeks for the herb to start working. Since it takes awhile for this medicine to have an effect, avoid trying it in response to momentary sadness or lethargy. Yet, if you feel depressed for several weeks, there is little to risk and potentially a lot to gain from trying St. John’s Wort.
Due to the fact that I’m a therapist and not a psychiatrist, I’m not able to prescribe medication. Frequently, clients would come to my office feeling depressed, but they lacked the funds to see a psychiatrist. In addition, some clients simply refused to take drugs such as Prozac because they didn’t like the side effects or how it made them feel. When I heard about Hypericum, I began suggesting it to clients I thought could benefit from its use. In almost every case, glowing reports came back to me. Many of the clients who had previously taken anti-depressants reported they liked Hypericum better. Several of my clients said they experienced fewer side effects and/or found it to feel “more natural” than the previous medications they had tried.
If you try Hypericum or other anti-depressant remedies,
it’s important not to use them to avoid looking at important issues in your life. Depression can often be a sign that certain aspects of your life are not working. A good therapist or a good book that deals with a therapeutic approach to depression can be an important part of your recovery; the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns is a good place to start. Although psychotherapy can be expensive, it can beat the cost of spending the rest of your life running from yourself. If you decide to try therapy as part of your treatment, ask friends if they know of anyone they can recommend. Another option is to call several therapists and talk to each of them on the phone to see which one feels right for you.
Hypericum is not a cure-all for depression and sadness. Yet, for many people it can be an enormous help. If, after using Hypericum for four to six weeks, you don’t notice any improvement, consider seeing a psychiatrist for his or her recommendation. If you keep trying new medications and/or forms of therapy, you’ll eventually find something that helps. Don’t give up hope. Even severely depressed people have been known to bounce back to a feeling of contentment after finding a treatment that was right for them. Good luck on your search
Overcoming Self-Criticism Through Humor and Failure
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
I used to suffer greatly from a bad case of self-criticism, in my teenage years, it was so severe that I could never ask a girl out on a date. I feared that she’d say “no” and I’d end up spending the next week getting down on myself for my failure.
Finally, at age 17, I hit “threshold” and decided to get rejected by 10 girls in one day. I figured the best way out of my prison of fear was to face it head on.
I promised myself that if I got 10 rejections; I’d treat myself to a trip to Hawaii. By setting it up that getting 10 rejections equaled my ticket to Hawaii, I hoped to sidestep getting down on myself for being rejected so many times. Continue reading →
Positive Psychology Exercises
What would it be like if you found out that you had a million dollars in a secret bank account, but you didn’t know it? Wouldn’t that be great? Well, in a certain way you do. You have enormous riches locked within you in the form of positive feelings—such as love, gratitude, compassion, and joy. The problem is, most people haven’t known how to access these feelings. Yet, the new field of Positive Psychology has developed simple exercises that can help anyone feel greater levels of happiness.
For those who don’t know about Positive Psychology exercises, they’re simple methods that have mostly been developed by psychologist Dr. Marty Seligman. According to numerous studies, these quick methods can greatly boost your level of happiness. Since we’re all trying to be happier, having a “technology” that’s been shown to really work is cause for celebration. People currently use very inefficient methods of being happier—such as trying to make a lot of money or have fewer wrinkles. While such things work a smidgen, Positive Psychology exercises have been proven to work much, much better in creating feelings of true well-being.
You may be wondering, if these simple exercises work so well, then why don’t more people know about them? The reason is that there is not a lot of money to be made in teaching Positive Psychology exercises. You can make a lot of money selling pills—such as antidepressants—but there is very little money to be made teaching exercises that change people’s lives.
For better or worse, that’s my job
I sell (for very little money I might add), a systematic course in teaching people the best and most powerful ways to quickly boost their level of happiness. There are over 30 methods in my Deeper Happiness course that have been shown to boost people’s level of happiness, and most of them take under three minutes a day to do. That’s great news. It’s like learning you had a million dollars lying around in the bank, but you didn’t know it.
Let me give you a couple of really quick examples of what I mean. One Positive Psychologyexercise is to do a Gratitude Journal. By writing down three things you feel grateful for during each day, your level of satisfaction with your life will gradually rise. To “turbo charge” your Gratitude Journal, you could include a sentence on how something about you helped make each of those good things happen. For instance, let’s say that one of the things you were grateful for was a good conversation with a friend. To make that statement even more powerful, you could say how your open heartedness helped you to create that experience.
Science often helps us discover things that seem to defy logic. It makes no sense that a 50 ton airplane can fly, but it obviously can. Likewise, it makes no sense that a simple 2 minute Positive Psychology exercise typically brings more joy into your life than if you suddenly doubled your income. But that’s what numerous studies have indicated. As I said, not knowing about the potential power of Positive Psychology exercises is like not knowing you have a million dollars in your bank account.
Now that you know that Positive Psychology exercises can truly impact your life, you have to figure out what, if anything, to do about it. Most people—because they have been hypnotized by their culture, will continue to put all their hope into finding happiness through ineffective means. They’ll hope that more money changes their life, or hope that the next relationship will magically make them fulfilled. Such endeavors will surely keep them busy, but are unlikely to help them discover the treasure of positive feelings living inside them.
Other people will do such things as read books about how to be happier
Although such books contain valuable information, virtually no one uses what they read from books in a systematic manner in their daily life. It’s just too big of a jump. What’s needed is a simple, almost automatic way to be reminded to use Positive Psychology exercises in daily life.
That’s why I created the Deeper Happiness daily audio program for learning and using such exercises. In the program, a person listens to a fun 15-minute talk each morning before they get to work that details a great Positive Psychology exercise. Then, their task is to use that simple exercise sometime during their day. I created the program so that people could really incorporate these great exercises into their daily lives. Most the exercises take only 2 minutes a day to do, and the supplied reminder cards help a person to remember to do the exercises.
The typical result of doing these simple techniques days after day is that your life feels more purposeful, fun, joyous, and meaningful. Soon, you learn which methods really work amazingly well for you, and which don’t seem like a good fit. Once you find simple ways to help you quickly overcome negative feelings and tune into positive feelings, your life will never be the same. It will be like finally having complete access to that secret bank account of riches. You can even get the first three Positive Psychology exercises from the Deeper Happiness program for free here. You’ll be amazed at how well these simple methods can improve the quality of your life, health, and relationships.