One day I called up my friend, Susan, and asked her how she was. She said, “Things are great. Joe and I just got back from another week long vacation.” I realized that, just about every time I talked to Susan, she had recently gone on vacation. I was a bit annoyed and jealous. “How do you take so many vacations?” I asked. Her reply made me even more annoyed, “We simply make it a priority.” I felt a certain amount of self-pity as I shot back, “Boy, I wish my life was set up so I could take so much time off.” In a compassionate, yet direct manner, Susan replied, “You can if it’s important enough to you. Joe and I just decided we’d take eight weeks off each year. There’s a lot of resistance to doing that, but we’re committed to living the life that we want to live.” Continue reading →
Tag Archives: fullest
The Three Minute Body Miracle
It’s a rainy, sleepy afternoon, and you’re stuck in front of your computer. Your bones are weary, your eyes blurred, and your mind feels burned out. You can grab another cup of coffee, but you know your body really doesn’t need any more caffeine. What to do? If you knew that in three minutes of effort you could go from burned out to blissed out, would it be worth your while? If the answer is yes, then the “Three Minute Body Miracle” (or T.M.B.M for short) is for you. This simple, but amazingly effective four-step technique does several things in a short period of time. First, it gets your body naturally energized. Second, it stimulates blood flow to the brain for better focus and concentration. And finally, it allows you to quickly let go of stress and tension in both your body and mind. If you try it just a couple of times, I think you’ll be hooked. Continue reading →
The Five Questions of Success
If someone asked me to describe in four simple words how they could achieve wealth, health, and happiness, my answer would be easy: ask the right questions for success. When we ask ourselves good questions, it leads us to make better decisions as to where and how to spend our time. When we fail to ask the right questions, we can easily fall prey to mechanical routines, other people’s goals, and a life of unhappiness. When it comes to taking charge of your time and your life, asking the right questions can be the answer you’ve been looking for.
I created a list of five questions that seemed the most valuable in gently guiding people back to the life they truly desired. I have found that answering these questions once a month can be an amazingly efficient way to create the life you really want. When answering these questions, it’s best to say your answers out loud to a mate, friend, or co-worker. Another option is to write down what you have to say in a journal. Somehow, saying the answers out loud or writing things down has more impact than simply thinking them in your head.
For each of the five questions that follow, I give a brief description of why it can be useful to ask yourself—or those you love—this question once a month.
1) What can I do this week to bring more fun and/or meaning into my life?
As adults, most of us get lost in daily routines, problems, and plans. Yet, as children, life was very different. We’re not born into this world as planners and problems solvers, but rather as bundles of playful energy. This question can help remind you to schedule something each week to bring fun and/or meaning into your life. It will help provoke your thinking as to what you currently find fun or meaningful, and help you keep these things as priorities in your life
2) What could I feel grateful for in my life?
This may seem like a strange question to get your life in order, but it’s important to remember what is going great in your life. If you focus only on what’s wrong with your life, you’ll always be thinking about problems. Part of living a successful life means focusing on what’s going well, and feeling grateful for how blessed you are.
3) How can I use the gifts I’ve been given to better serve people?
If you want to make a lot of money, get good at giving people what they want. If you want love, become skillful at caring for people. Whatever you want in life, you can receive it by becoming good at serving people. This question will help you to consistently ponder how you can do this more effectively.
4) Is there anything I’m doing that is hurting myself, other people, or steering me off course?
When planes fly to a destination, they are of course over 90% of the time. However, they almost constantly correct their course, so they end up where they’re supposed to be. We need to do likewise. When people make mistakes, they often spend a lot of time in blame, self-pity, or distraction. That just makes matters worse. Instead, what we need to do is quickly realized when we’re off course, and immediately take the actions necessary to get back on track
5) What would be good to do to create more balance, harmony or growth in my life?
To answer this question, it helps to access your intuition, or still, small voice inside. Perhaps there has been something you’ve been avoiding, and this question will help you realize it’s time to move forward. Whenever possible, try to be specific with your answer and the new action(s) you plan to take. Insights are helpful, but only changes in actual behavior are likely to lead to the results you desire.
These five questions are an easy, quick, and powerful way to gain important insights that will help you to plan your time wisely. Rather than waiting until a problem is big, these questions will help you to handle things when they’re small and easily handled. By writing your answers in a journal, or taking turns answering these questions with a friend, you can help each other create the life you truly desire.
How to Deal with Anger: The Adult Temper Tantrum
It’s been one of “those days.” 
Too much to do, and not enough time to do it. Your boss yells at you for something that wasn’t even your fault; by the time you make it home, you’re fed up and stressed out. You slam the door, and then walk past your partner without saying a word. Your mate asks you about your day and why you slammed the door. Just the fact that they say anything to you makes you even more annoyed. You tell them, “I didn’t slam the door. There’s nothing wrong. Why do you always have to question me?” You spend the rest of the evening upset.
Sound familiar? Some people play out scenes like this on a fairly regular basis. During the day, some event or person makes them angry, and they spend the rest of the day and evening affected by it. Although the original upset has long gone, they carry the residue of the event with them like a bag of bricks on their shoulders. Without a clearly defined way to rid themselves of their irritation, they spend many hours feeling annoyed for no apparent reason. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, they “blow-up” in reaction to just about anything.
It doesn’t need to be like this. Think of how infants react when they get angry. Typically, they get very upset, scream or cry for awhile, then quickly return to a state of contentment. Instead of holding-in their feelings, they fully let them out. Once all their anger has been expressed, they feel calm and at peace once again. Unfortunately, adults have not learned how to deal with anger so well. We’ve been conditioned to repress our feelings of anger and upset. Yet, like steam escaping from a heated pressure cooker, our anger and resentment leaks out, and because it is only allowed to leak out a little at a time, it can take a long while before adults can feel at peace again. Continue reading →
How to Overcome Depression without Medication: Hooray for Hypericum
Many people suffer from symptoms of minor depression sometime in their life. Persistent sadness, moodiness, lethargy, tiredness, or suicidal thoughts can all be signs that you’re in the grips of depression. What can you do? Historically, the recommended treatment has been to take drugs such as Prozac or Zoloft—sometimes coupled with therapy. Yet, these medications present a problem for many people. First of all, getting a prescription and buying these medications can cost hundreds of dollars. Secondly, many people find that anti-depressant medications don’t work at all or they can cause unpleasant side effects. Fortunately, some people can overcome depression naturally. An inexpensive and safe alternative to anti-depressant medications has recently become popular; it’s called Hypericum—but it’s better known as St. John’s Wort.
How to Overcome Depression Without Medication.
St. John’s Wort is derived from a yellow-flowered plant that has been ingested around the world for some 2,000 years. In 1994, the venerable Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry and Neurology devoted an entire issue to Hypericum. One study done with 3,250 patients suffering from mild and moderate depression found that 80 percent of them felt better, or completely free of symptoms, after four weeks. In Germany St. John’s Wort is the leading treatment for depression and is prescribed 25 times more frequently than Prozac. Best of all, St. John’s Wort can be picked up at your local health food store without a prescription, and costs a lot less than any anti-depressant on the market.
Although more research needs to be done on Hypericum/St. John’s Wort, by all accounts it is a great way for overcoming depression without traditional medications. Approximately 2.4% of those trying the herb experience side effects—ranging from restlessness to mild allergic reactions. The percentage of people who report side effects from Prozac or Zoloft is markedly higher. For example, approximately 20% of people who take Prozac experience headache, digestive difficulties and/or insomnia. While Hypericum may make some people sensitive to the sun, the absence of serious side effects is one of its biggest selling points.
If you suffer from mild or moderate depression from time to time
consider trying 
Hypericum as a way to overcome depression naturally. The recommended dosage is 300 milligrams of Hypericum extract, containing 0.3 percent of the active ingredient Hypericum, three times a day. It takes between one and four weeks for the herb to start working. Since it takes awhile for this medicine to have an effect, avoid trying it in response to momentary sadness or lethargy. Yet, if you feel depressed for several weeks, there is little to risk and potentially a lot to gain from trying St. John’s Wort.
Due to the fact that I’m a therapist and not a psychiatrist, I’m not able to prescribe medication. Frequently, clients would come to my office feeling depressed, but they lacked the funds to see a psychiatrist. In addition, some clients simply refused to take drugs such as Prozac because they didn’t like the side effects or how it made them feel. When I heard about Hypericum, I began suggesting it to clients I thought could benefit from its use. In almost every case, glowing reports came back to me. Many of the clients who had previously taken anti-depressants reported they liked Hypericum better. Several of my clients said they experienced fewer side effects and/or found it to feel “more natural” than the previous medications they had tried.
If you try Hypericum or other anti-depressant remedies,
it’s important not to use them to avoid looking at important issues in your life. Depression can often be a sign that certain aspects of your life are not working. A good therapist or a good book that deals with a therapeutic approach to depression can be an important part of your recovery; the book Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns is a good place to start. Although psychotherapy can be expensive, it can beat the cost of spending the rest of your life running from yourself. If you decide to try therapy as part of your treatment, ask friends if they know of anyone they can recommend. Another option is to call several therapists and talk to each of them on the phone to see which one feels right for you.
Hypericum is not a cure-all for depression and sadness. Yet, for many people it can be an enormous help. If, after using Hypericum for four to six weeks, you don’t notice any improvement, consider seeing a psychiatrist for his or her recommendation. If you keep trying new medications and/or forms of therapy, you’ll eventually find something that helps. Don’t give up hope. Even severely depressed people have been known to bounce back to a feeling of contentment after finding a treatment that was right for them. Good luck on your search
Overcoming Self-Criticism Through Humor and Failure
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
I used to suffer greatly from a bad case of self-criticism, in my teenage years, it was so severe that I could never ask a girl out on a date. I feared that she’d say “no” and I’d end up spending the next week getting down on myself for my failure.
Finally, at age 17, I hit “threshold” and decided to get rejected by 10 girls in one day. I figured the best way out of my prison of fear was to face it head on.
I promised myself that if I got 10 rejections; I’d treat myself to a trip to Hawaii. By setting it up that getting 10 rejections equaled my ticket to Hawaii, I hoped to sidestep getting down on myself for being rejected so many times. Continue reading →
Positive Psychology Exercises
What would it be like if you found out that you had a million dollars in a secret bank account, but you didn’t know it? Wouldn’t that be great? Well, in a certain way you do. You have enormous riches locked within you in the form of positive feelings—such as love, gratitude, compassion, and joy. The problem is, most people haven’t known how to access these feelings. Yet, the new field of Positive Psychology has developed simple exercises that can help anyone feel greater levels of happiness.
For those who don’t know about Positive Psychology exercises, they’re simple methods that have mostly been developed by psychologist Dr. Marty Seligman. According to numerous studies, these quick methods can greatly boost your level of happiness. Since we’re all trying to be happier, having a “technology” that’s been shown to really work is cause for celebration. People currently use very inefficient methods of being happier—such as trying to make a lot of money or have fewer wrinkles. While such things work a smidgen, Positive Psychology exercises have been proven to work much, much better in creating feelings of true well-being.
You may be wondering, if these simple exercises work so well, then why don’t more people know about them? The reason is that there is not a lot of money to be made in teaching Positive Psychology exercises. You can make a lot of money selling pills—such as antidepressants—but there is very little money to be made teaching exercises that change people’s lives.
For better or worse, that’s my job
I sell (for very little money I might add), a systematic course in teaching people the best and most powerful ways to quickly boost their level of happiness. There are over 30 methods in my Deeper Happiness course that have been shown to boost people’s level of happiness, and most of them take under three minutes a day to do. That’s great news. It’s like learning you had a million dollars lying around in the bank, but you didn’t know it.
Let me give you a couple of really quick examples of what I mean. One Positive Psychologyexercise is to do a Gratitude Journal. By writing down three things you feel grateful for during each day, your level of satisfaction with your life will gradually rise. To “turbo charge” your Gratitude Journal, you could include a sentence on how something about you helped make each of those good things happen. For instance, let’s say that one of the things you were grateful for was a good conversation with a friend. To make that statement even more powerful, you could say how your open heartedness helped you to create that experience.
Science often helps us discover things that seem to defy logic. It makes no sense that a 50 ton airplane can fly, but it obviously can. Likewise, it makes no sense that a simple 2 minute Positive Psychology exercise typically brings more joy into your life than if you suddenly doubled your income. But that’s what numerous studies have indicated. As I said, not knowing about the potential power of Positive Psychology exercises is like not knowing you have a million dollars in your bank account.
Now that you know that Positive Psychology exercises can truly impact your life, you have to figure out what, if anything, to do about it. Most people—because they have been hypnotized by their culture, will continue to put all their hope into finding happiness through ineffective means. They’ll hope that more money changes their life, or hope that the next relationship will magically make them fulfilled. Such endeavors will surely keep them busy, but are unlikely to help them discover the treasure of positive feelings living inside them.
Other people will do such things as read books about how to be happier
Although such books contain valuable information, virtually no one uses what they read from books in a systematic manner in their daily life. It’s just too big of a jump. What’s needed is a simple, almost automatic way to be reminded to use Positive Psychology exercises in daily life.
That’s why I created the Deeper Happiness daily audio program for learning and using such exercises. In the program, a person listens to a fun 15-minute talk each morning before they get to work that details a great Positive Psychology exercise. Then, their task is to use that simple exercise sometime during their day. I created the program so that people could really incorporate these great exercises into their daily lives. Most the exercises take only 2 minutes a day to do, and the supplied reminder cards help a person to remember to do the exercises.
The typical result of doing these simple techniques days after day is that your life feels more purposeful, fun, joyous, and meaningful. Soon, you learn which methods really work amazingly well for you, and which don’t seem like a good fit. Once you find simple ways to help you quickly overcome negative feelings and tune into positive feelings, your life will never be the same. It will be like finally having complete access to that secret bank account of riches. You can even get the first three Positive Psychology exercises from the Deeper Happiness program for free here. You’ll be amazed at how well these simple methods can improve the quality of your life, health, and relationships.
Everything You Know about Happiness Is Wrong
You are living in a dangerous cult. I mean it. Of course, like most people in cults, you don’t think it’s dangerous—or that it’s even a cult. This “cult” that you (and I) are living in is the hyper capitalist economic system of modern day life.
In this cult or cult-ure we’re part of, we’re hypnotized to believe certain things that are not really true. For example, we’re conditioned to believe that if only we had more money, or the right relationship or less wrinkles—THEN we’d be a lot happier. Studies prove that these ideas aren’t actually true, but we eventually start to believe them because we’re constantly bombarded with such messages.
Here’s a question that can determine if you’ve truly been indoctrinated into the capitalist cult. Which of these two options do you think would make you happier? Option one: winning over a million dollars in the lottery. Option two: becoming paralyzed from the waist down. Which do you think would lead you to being happier after a year of time has passed?
If you think the obvious answer is winning the lottery, you’re wrong. It means you’ve bought our cult’s basic dogma—that what happens to you determines your level of happiness. Although such a notion is widespread and unquestioned in Western culture, scientific research does not bear this idea out. People who are paralyzed and people who win the lottery are equally happy after a year of time has passed.
In the search for 
happiness that we are all on, you can’t assume anything that you’ve heard. Unfortunately, our culture is constantly pushing its ideas about finding the “good life” onto us, and that brainwashing does not necessarily have anything to do with being happy. After all, does Donald Trump look joyous to you? In the last twenty years, the average GDP of Chinese citizens has gone up 400%, and yet their average level of happiness has actually gone down.
In our culture, we’ve also been led to believe that having a lot of choice is a good thing. There are over 24,000 items to choose from just in your local supermarket. With the Internet, our range of choices has become virtually infinite. The problem is we’ve been led to assume that the more choices we have, the richer and more satisfying our lives will become. Yet, numerous studies show that our gluttony of choice mostly just adds to our level of stress–and makes us less contended with our lives.
In fact, contrary to cult doctrine, having a lot of money, good health, or a job you enjoy doesn’t truly lead to happiness. Rather, research shows that we have it completely backwards. Numerous studies indicate that it is being a happy person that leads to having more money, good health and a job you enjoy. Highly fulfilled people end up making over $750,000 more during their lifetime than people who are unhappy. Highly contented people also live an average of 8 years longer than the rest of us, and have half the level of divorce.
If the specifics of our lives (money, health, job, choice) don’t determine our level of happiness, what does? Researchers have identified several factors. First, part of our happiness is determined by our genetics. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about that. Yet, much of our level of well-being is due to our attitude, our focus on relationships, and certain beliefs and behaviors that happy people tend to have. Fortunately, many of these attitudes and behaviors can be easily learned.
Here’s just one example. Highly contented people tend to schedule time each week for activities they truly enjoy. On the other hand, unhappy people tend to make excuses as to why they don’t have time for what they really like to do. Here’s another example. Happy people make being with friends and enjoying life a central priority in their life, whereas less contented folks make things like making money their main priority.
Here’s the problem. How do you become a happy person while living in a cult (culture) that does not value what really leads to happiness? It’s hard. It requires going against the grain of what the people around you are doing. It means you need to ignore the 500 or so advertising messages you get each day, and instead listen to the still, small voice inside. In fact, that’s what happy people do a lot. They spend quiet time in nature. They surround themselves with people, books, and ideas that nurture their dream of a joyful, caring, and deeply fulfilling life.
Like you, I was conditioned to think that certain things would make me happy. For better or worse, I got many of those things at an early age. I got rich. I wrote books that got me on Oprah and other national shows on numerous occasions. Instead of feeling a sense of accomplishment, I felt like I always had to do something bigger and better in the future. I was not a happy camper. There was only one way out—and that was “in.” As I studied the research on happiness, I learned that everything I’d been taught about how to be happy was basically not true.
It turns out 
that the American Dream is actually a repetitive, busy, and not too unpleasant nightmare. I soon realized that always striving for more, always being busy, and constantly competing for recognition was not a path to greater peace of mind. As I began to see through the brainwashing of Western culture, I began to notice what really made me happy. What really made me happy wasn’t having bouncy hair, a big house, or a Mercedes. It ends up it was little moments of depth and joy I could find in everyday life. Nowadays, I spend more time playing with my dog, watching sunsets, hanging out with my friends, reading great books, and meditating.
So your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to find out what actually makes you uniquely happy. Assume you’ve been in a dangerous cult and you need to get free of its programming. Ask questions, explore new ideas, and notice when your actual experience does not match up with beliefs and behaviors that have been forced on you from the cult we’re in. To help show you the way, there is a certain group of people who tend to be very happy a lot of the time. This “group of people” are kids under the age of six. What do they do differently than adults? They play more, they plan less, and they explore the present moment fully and completely. That’s a good place to start on the ever-evolving road to happiness.
How to Easily Manage Your Mood
We all want to experience deeper peace in our lives, or simply have more joy. As a teacher of workshops on happiness, I’ve looked for quick ways to help people quiet their minds and/or enjoy more fun and play. Of the many different things I’ve tried, I’ve found one formula to be so simple and effective that I heartily recommend it to everyone. I call this method The Magical Playlist.
In essence, the Magical Playlist is simply an iTunes playlist of songs created for a specific purpose. By creating playlists dedicated to certain moods, you can easily have access to some of your favorite feelings — with hardly any effort. After all, your personal favorite songs have the ability to move you into your heart, uplift your spirit, and help you feel a depth of peace.
A man named Frank came to see me complaining of marital difficulties. As he entered my office, it was clear that he was very tense. He told me that his wife was fed up with him because of how stressed he was from his job as an air traffic controller. When he went home each evening, he’d spend the first three hours in front of the tube–just trying to unwind from his job. By the time he started to feel a bit relaxed and sociable, his wife was ready to go to bed. After asking him some questions, I learned that he enjoyed classical music. I suggested he make a playlist of his favorite classical works, and listen to a couple of songs in his car before entering his house each evening. When he returned to my office the following week, he told me that his wife reported, “You’ve become a new man.” Apparently, ten minutes of classical music helped Frank unwind much more effectively than three hours of TV. By the time he walked into his house each night, Frank was relaxed, refreshed, and emotionally available for his wife.
For many people, music is an easy and amazingly effective way to become centered. I’ve coached many of my clients to carefully choose the type of music to play before key events in their life. Before an important presentation, they might choose a favorite rock ‘n roll song. Before a romantic night on the town with their mate, they may choose a favorite love song. Before a time of meditation or prayer, they may choose some New Age or quiet piano music. By knowing what mood you’d like to “get into,” and choosing an appropriate piece of music to assist in that process, many people find they can successfully manage their moods much more effectively than ever before.
Of all the possessions I own, my iPod is my most treasured. By listening to certain songs, I have almost immediate access to any feeling I want—without any cost, and no known side effects! When making certain playlists, I looked through all the songs I have on my computer, and carefully selected songs that have always had the most impact on me. Nowadays, I have special “mood altering” playlists categorized in five different ways: First, songs that put me in a fun and happy mood. In this category, I have songs like “Twist and Shout” and “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles. It’s hard to sing along with such songs without getting a smile on your face. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.
Second, I have a playlist dedicated to meaningful, mellow songs that help put me in my heart. In this category, I have songs such as Kansas’ “Dust in the Wind.” By putting a lot of heart-oriented songs in one playlist, I have a guaranteed way to calm down and feel contemplative when I feel so inclined. Third, I have a playlist of my favorite instrumental songs. Sometimes I just want to quiet my mind, and heartfelt instrumental music can often do the job even better than a time spent meditating.
My fourth “magical” playlist includes songs that make me feel energized and motivated. These are songs I like to shout to, like Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” or U2’s “Vertigo.” After shouting to a couple of songs on this playlist, I feel like I can tackle anything. Finally, I have a playlist of songs that make me feel all lovey and mushy inside. These songs are great to listen to before you spend time with your mate or a date.
After a five to ten minute vacation with some of your favorite music, your mind will be clearer and your soul more soothed. With hardly any effort at all, you’ll find that you can transcend a nasty mood—or simply a stressful day. You’ll end up being able to better handle whatever life throws your way. The hour or so it takes to put your initial playlists together will be amply rewarded by countless hours of peace, love, and energized enthusiasm. It’s an amazingly effective investment in your well-being…
I’d Love to Inspire You Today!
I am very excited to share some great news with you. Today, I am the featured Inspirational Luminary on InspireMeToday.com, which allows me to share some of my wisdom with people around the world.
The Inspire Me Today website features “useful ideas” of a new Luminary every day, and I am honored to be chosen as one of them. On this site, you can read a brief article on a specific idea meant to inspire you and be truly useful in your life. Other Inspire Me Today picks have included Sir Richard Branson, Guy Laliberte, Seth Godin, Neale Donald Walsch, and many more.
Please visit the site on February 21st, 2013 and help me inspire the world. If my traffic and comments break records, InspireMeToday.com will share my content with millions of additional people too! I hope you’ll check it out, leave a comment and share it with your friends. To help you stay inspired, they also provide 3 minute ‘Today’s Brilliance’ pick-me-ups each day by email, by RSS feed or in an iPhone app.
From the folks at Inspire Me Today and from me, thank you in advance for your kind support. Together we really can inspire the world.
Be inspired,
Jonathan