I recently took an online course called “Awakening Joy.” It was quite good, maybe even as good as my own online course called “Deeper Happiness.”(Of course, it did cost five times as much as my course!) Even though it was expensive, it was worth it to me because I learned something valuable. What I learned from this course was really just one new thing — which I plan to share with you in a moment. Yet, even if you learn just one new thing from a course or a workshop, it is still very much worth it. After all, that one new “thing” will potentially be able to affect you for the rest of your life. If something you learn ends up having practical value to you for the rest of your life, then its value is priceless.
What I learned from the Awakening Joy course was the importance of allowing time for positive moments in one’s life. Being that I am a so-called “happiness expert,” I already knew the importance of allowing time for positive feelings. Yet, as I watched myself throughout the day, I noticed something interesting. In the midst of sweet moments or intimate moments with a friend—or simply moments of deep peace—I would often think of what I have to do next on my “to do” list. Then, I would curtail my joyful experience and do whatever I felt compelled to do. After watching this a few times, I realized I was ripping myself off from experiencing more truly joyful moments.
For example, today I was playing with my dog and we were both having a great time. Then, when she was done with playing, she came over to cuddle with me in my lap. We cuddled for a moment, and I enjoyed the feeling of petting her and feeling my deep love for her. Then after a minute, I had the thought, “What do I need to do next?” Of course, my “list” is never done, so there were plenty of things to do, but why did I need to curtail such a sweet moment so quickly? In fact, I did not have to, but I realized I have been trained by our culture to always be productive—even at the expense of hanging out with more moments of love, intimacy, and joy. Can you relate to this?
Author Gay Hendricks calls this phenomenon the “Upper Limit Problem”
When we are feeling good, we often will stop what we are feeling and look for some problem or distraction to occupy our mind and emotions. It is as if we have an internal thermostat ready to kick in with negativity or worry anytime our internal temperature (positive feelings) get too high. As a psychotherapist, I have noticed this phenomenon in couples that sabotage a relationship when it is going really well, or people who sabotage a business just when they are starting to make a lot of money. Yet, once I saw how it manifested in the little moments of my daily life, I knew it was important to watch out for.
So having seen my own tendency to start thinking of my “to do” list in the midst of positive emotions, I have taken steps to go against it. Nowadays, when I see that I am curtailing a sweet and/or intimate moment, I try instead to stay with my positive experience. I take a deep breath and remind myself; nothing is more important than joyful moments. I attempt to “hang out” with such feelings until they naturally drift away.
This simple little practice has added immensely to the quantity of joyful moments I have in my life. If you can relate to my experience, then I challenge you to allow more time for your own positive feelings. Notice what you do to curtail such moments, and once you “catch” yourself in the act, take a deep breath and allow yourself to simply BE. Your partner, your pets, and your joyful heart will thank me…
Do bad memories or images ever haunt you? Do you sometimes flash back to some of the most traumatic moments of your past? For some reason, the human mind has a nasty tendency to forget important things like your mother’s birthday, but is more than happy to frequently remind you of the worst events of your life. Fortunately, there’s an antidote to this glitch in the human bio-computer. It’s called the Erasure Technique. In a matter of a few minutes, this powerful method can virtually neutralize the bad feelings associated with almost anything you’ve ever experienced. I’ve even used it with clients who have suffered from disturbing memories for many years. Whether you want to neutralize images of a minor car accident or the hurt from the ending of a relationship, the erasure technique can make a dramatic difference in your life. 
When you were a child, your parents most likely rewarded you on a fairly regular basis. Perhaps they told you how pretty you were, or bought you an ice cream cone as a reward for cleaning the yard. However they did it, the rewards you received helped guide you, and made you feel loved. Unfortunately, once you left your parent’s home, there was probably no one around to play the role of encourager and guide for you. The truth is–if you don’t do it for yourself, it probably won’t get done. As adults, we need to learn how to give ourselves rewards so we can be encouraged to move in a positive direction. However, most adults either give themselves indulgences all the time, or they almost never do. By learning the art of giving ourselves rewards at appropriate times, we can come to benefit from this powerful tool. 
I used to suffer greatly from a bad case of self-criticism, in my teenage years, it was so severe that I could never ask a girl out on a date. I feared that she’d say “no” and I’d end up spending the next week getting down on myself for my failure.
You are living in a dangerous cult. I mean it. Of course, like most people in cults, you don’t think it’s dangerous—or that it’s even a cult. This “cult” that you (and I) are living in is the hyper capitalist economic system of modern day life.
happiness that we are all on, you can’t assume anything that you’ve heard. Unfortunately, our culture is constantly pushing its ideas about finding the “good life” onto us, and that brainwashing does not necessarily have anything to do with being happy. After all, does Donald Trump look joyous to you? In the last twenty years, the average GDP of Chinese citizens has gone up 400%, and yet their average level of happiness has actually gone down.
Here’s just one example. Highly contented people tend to schedule time each week for activities they truly enjoy. On the other hand, unhappy people tend to make excuses as to why they don’t have time for what they really like to do. Here’s another example. Happy people make being with friends and enjoying life a central priority in their life, whereas less contented folks make things like making money their main priority.
that the American Dream is actually a repetitive, busy, and not too unpleasant nightmare. I soon realized that always striving for more, always being busy, and constantly competing for recognition was not a path to greater peace of mind. As I began to see through the brainwashing of Western culture, I began to notice what really made me happy. What really made me happy wasn’t having bouncy hair, a big house, or a Mercedes. It ends up it was little moments of depth and joy I could find in everyday life. Nowadays, I spend more time playing with my dog, watching sunsets, hanging out with my friends, reading great books, and meditating.
We all want to experience deeper peace in our lives, or simply have more joy. As a teacher of workshops on happiness, I’ve looked for quick ways to help people quiet their minds and/or enjoy more fun and play. Of the many different things I’ve tried, I’ve found one formula to be so simple and effective that I heartily recommend it to everyone. I call this method The Magical Playlist.
Of all the possessions I own, my iPod is my most treasured. By listening to certain songs, I have almost immediate access to any feeling I want—without any cost, and no known side effects! When making certain playlists, I looked through all the songs I have on my computer, and carefully selected songs that have always had the most impact on me. Nowadays, I have special “mood altering” playlists categorized in five different ways: First, songs that put me in a fun and happy mood. In this category, I have songs like “Twist and Shout” and “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles. It’s hard to sing along with such songs without getting a smile on your face. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.
My fourth “magical” playlist includes songs that make me feel energized and motivated. These are songs I like to shout to, like Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” or U2’s “Vertigo.” After shouting to a couple of songs on this playlist, I feel like I can tackle anything. Finally, I have a playlist of songs that make me feel all lovey and mushy inside. These songs are great to listen to before you spend time with your mate or a date.
