Armed with the secret information I am about to reveal to you, you will soon have incredible power in making friends and business contacts.  Since these human technologies are so powerful, I must first give you some warnings as to how to use them.  Please don’t use the ideas I’m about to divulge as a way to manipulate people.  If you do, people will eventually see through your charade.  Instead, consider these tools for connecting with people as a way to extend your good, caring intentions.  If you use these methods with good intentions, you and the people you connect with will be amply rewarded.

The first key to making lifelong friends and business contacts is to know exactly what people really want.  In my opinion, all human beings want to be respected as a unique and worthy individual.  There are several ways to show people how much you value them, but perhaps the easiest is to simply listen to them with great respect and empathy.  We all want to be thought of as interesting and unique, so when someone seems fascinated by what we have to say, it affirms our sense of worth. I don’t suggest you fake being fascinated by others; I suggest you really become fascinated by what each person you meet has to say.  Since good listeners are so rare, as you show respect and admiration for the person you’re with, you’ll become trusted and admired.

A second specific strategy for connecting at a deeper level with people is to simply tell them directly how much you appreciate them.  Sincere, heartfelt compliments don’t cost you anything, yet they can have a major impact on your friends and co-workers just because they’re so rare. I have found that complimentary letters, preferably written by hand, are even more powerful.  The simple act of writing a thank you note for something a friend has done for you can have a major impact. In addition, brief letters of congratulations to others for important milestones in their life can also make a lasting impression.  I remember that when I was on my first national television show, my friend Paul wrote a letter of congratulations, expressing how proud he was of me.  Somehow, his words of congratulations put our friendship in a different class than all my other friendships.  It showed he was attentive to my life, and that he really cared.  I’ve never forgotten it, and our friendship is still strong to this day.

Along with letters showing you care

Small gifts can help to demonstrate your valuation and gratitude for the people in your life.  Years ago I used to work at a place in which the receptionist was always doing helpful things for me and the other employees.  Finally, as a token of my appreciation, I bought her some flowers.  Upon giving them to her, she began to cry.  She said, “I’ve worked here for seventeen years and no one has ever given me flowers.”   It was a beautiful experience for me to see how moved she was by my simple act of kindness.  As time passed, I noticed she began to do extra favors for me, and our level of connection deepened.  When I made a mistake at work, she was the first to stand up for me.  Nowadays, I try to remember that small gifts are not small to the people who receive them.  Heartfelt act of kindness is long remembered.

Lastly, to make lifelong friends and business contacts, it’s necessary to keep a mailing list of addresses and phone numbers of people you connect with.   People like to do business with people they know and like, and if you have a sizeable mailing list, you have the equivalent of money in the bank.  A friend of mine found a higher paying job simply by sending a letter describing what he was looking for to the 300 friends and business contacts on his mailing list. No matter what you’re looking for, someone you know can likely help you to find it.  Studies show that higher paying jobs and most romantic partners are found through networking.  By keeping a current mailing list of people you know, and using it when you need to, you can create seemingly magical results in your life.

The suggestions I’ve made here are not new or surprising.  Yet, their consistent implementation are.  We live in a highly depersonalized world.  Acts of kindness, words of gratitude, and small gifts of appreciation can make a lasting impression on the people you interact with.  Simply put, when you invest in the people around you, people will invest in you.  Before you get busy with the next thing to do in your life, ask yourself, “How can I begin to implement these ideas on a somewhat consistent basis?”  Perhaps you can create a calendar of when your friend’s and co-worker’s birthdays are, or a system of reminding you to write letters of appreciation on occasion.  Try it as an experiment.  You’ll be amazed at how your acts of generosity boomerang back to you.