We all want to experience deeper peace in our lives, or simply have more joy. As a teacher of workshops on happiness, I’ve looked for quick ways to help people quiet their minds and/or enjoy more fun and play. Of the many different things I’ve tried, I’ve found one formula to be so simple and effective that I heartily recommend it to everyone. I call this method The Magical Playlist.
In essence, the Magical Playlist is simply an iTunes playlist of songs created for a specific purpose. By creating playlists dedicated to certain moods, you can easily have access to some of your favorite feelings — with hardly any effort. After all, your personal favorite songs have the ability to move you into your heart, uplift your spirit, and help you feel a depth of peace.
A man named Frank came to see me complaining of marital difficulties. As he entered my office, it was clear that he was very tense. He told me that his wife was fed up with him because of how stressed he was from his job as an air traffic controller. When he went home each evening, he’d spend the first three hours in front of the tube–just trying to unwind from his job. By the time he started to feel a bit relaxed and sociable, his wife was ready to go to bed. After asking him some questions, I learned that he enjoyed classical music. I suggested he make a playlist of his favorite classical works, and listen to a couple of songs in his car before entering his house each evening. When he returned to my office the following week, he told me that his wife reported, “You’ve become a new man.” Apparently, ten minutes of classical music helped Frank unwind much more effectively than three hours of TV. By the time he walked into his house each night, Frank was relaxed, refreshed, and emotionally available for his wife.
For many people, music is an easy and amazingly effective way to become centered. I’ve coached many of my clients to carefully choose the type of music to play before key events in their life. Before an important presentation, they might choose a favorite rock ‘n roll song. Before a romantic night on the town with their mate, they may choose a favorite love song. Before a time of meditation or prayer, they may choose some New Age or quiet piano music. By knowing what mood you’d like to “get into,” and choosing an appropriate piece of music to assist in that process, many people find they can successfully manage their moods much more effectively than ever before.
Of all the possessions I own, my iPod is my most treasured. By listening to certain songs, I have almost immediate access to any feeling I want—without any cost, and no known side effects! When making certain playlists, I looked through all the songs I have on my computer, and carefully selected songs that have always had the most impact on me. Nowadays, I have special “mood altering” playlists categorized in five different ways: First, songs that put me in a fun and happy mood. In this category, I have songs like “Twist and Shout” and “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by the Beatles. It’s hard to sing along with such songs without getting a smile on your face. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.
Second, I have a playlist dedicated to meaningful, mellow songs that help put me in my heart. In this category, I have songs such as Kansas’ “Dust in the Wind.” By putting a lot of heart-oriented songs in one playlist, I have a guaranteed way to calm down and feel contemplative when I feel so inclined. Third, I have a playlist of my favorite instrumental songs. Sometimes I just want to quiet my mind, and heartfelt instrumental music can often do the job even better than a time spent meditating.
My fourth “magical” playlist includes songs that make me feel energized and motivated. These are songs I like to shout to, like Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” or U2’s “Vertigo.” After shouting to a couple of songs on this playlist, I feel like I can tackle anything. Finally, I have a playlist of songs that make me feel all lovey and mushy inside. These songs are great to listen to before you spend time with your mate or a date.
After a five to ten minute vacation with some of your favorite music, your mind will be clearer and your soul more soothed. With hardly any effort at all, you’ll find that you can transcend a nasty mood—or simply a stressful day. You’ll end up being able to better handle whatever life throws your way. The hour or so it takes to put your initial playlists together will be amply rewarded by countless hours of peace, love, and energized enthusiasm. It’s an amazingly effective investment in your well-being…
The way we tend to express love to another person is, in most cases, the way in which we would like to receive it. I have fallen into this trap. I used to give my wife massages because that’s what makes me feel loved. Even if a gorilla gave me a massage, I’d feel totally loved. My wife used to frequently tell me she loved me because that’s what she wanted to hear. When people are unaware of their partner’s preferred ways of feeling loved, they end up expending a lot of energy that goes unappreciated. Yet by knowing exactly what helps your partner feel safe and loved, it becomes infinitely easier to create intimacy on a consistent basis.
By knowing how your own heart is charmed, you can reveal this important information to your partner. Try the previous exercise on yourself, or have your partner read it to you. You may be surprised to discover exactly what your partner does that creates a warm feeling of safety and love in you. Once your mate knows how to help you feel loved, they can more easily and consistently show you they care.