I’m writing a book now that details many simple communication “games” for quickly increasing your connection to your partner or a friend. One of my favorites is called The Relationship Update Game.  In a few minutes, this simple method provides friends or romantic partners with a lot of useful information.  It helps to clear out any “cobwebs,” and helps couples start out a new week with a clear, informed, caring slate.

The Relationship Update Game consists of five open ended sentences. Once two people are ready to play, they each take turns completing the sentences of the game.  If the players prefer, they’re welcome to also ask their friend or lover questions during the game so as to get more information.  I’ve seen this game take as little as ten minutes, or as long as half an hour.  It all depends on how much time and curiosity you have. So, without further ado, here are the five open-ended sentences:

• The best thing that happened to me this week was…
•  Something I’ve been feeling lately is…
•  Something I’ve been wanting lately is…
• Something I’ve been avoiding saying or communicating to you is….
•  Something I’ve appreciated about you recently is…

Instead of providing you with a transcript of a couple playing this game, I will briefly mention why I specifically chose each of the five open ended sentences used in this exercise.  The game begins with, “The best thing that happened to me this week was…”   I chose this sentence to begin because it’s important to look back and celebrate life’s good moments together.  In fact, research shows that when couples acknowledge and celebrate each other’s victories, it helps to create a lasting bond.  Couples that fail to recognize life’s good moments together end up spending more time arguing with each other.  By completing this open-ended sentence, you automatically create a moment of positive connection with your partner.

The second and third open-ended sentences are geared towards uncovering what each partner is feeling and wanting.  Knowing how you feel and what you want are possibly the two most important pieces of information you can reveal to your partner.   Like a good map, such information discloses to your partner exactly where you’re at and where you want to go.  It also summarizes for yourself where you’re currently at and where you want to go.  Oftentimes, we get so lost in our heads that we forget the power and simplicity of knowing the direction we want to head in. Once you’ve defined where you are and where you want to be, it’s much easier to hit your intended target.

Sentence number four is perhaps the hardest sentence to complete. I chose this sentence because “withholds”– or things that are unsaid–can be like stuff clogging your sink.  Each little “withhold,” like each strand of hair clogging a sink, doesn’t seem like much.  Yet over time, you soon find that your relationship is all blocked up and there’s no flow to it anymore. By revealing withholds on a weekly basis, you prevent these mini-blocks from getting out of hand and interfering with ongoing intimacy. Think of it as a gentle form of relationship cleaning or maintenance.

Finally, the fifth sentence is a great way to end your weekly session with your partner. When you tell your mate what you appreciate about them, it does three beneficial things. First, it makes both you and your partner feel good.  Second, it tells your partner the things they do that really mean a lot to you. Normally, we assume we know what our partner appreciates, but once you’ve played this game a few times, you’ll see that you’re often wrong.  By knowing what your partner most appreciates, it makes it more likely you’ll do those behaviors again.  Lastly, when you tell your partner what you appreciate, it makes it more likely they’ll do those behaviors again.

The Relationship Update Game can also be a great game to play with close friends. In any relationship, it allows you to quickly catch up and create a good foundation for further connection. For couples, I’ve found this game is a great ritual for those with little time, but with a strong desire to connect deeply and intimately with each other. If you try it and it works well for you and your mate, consider coming up with a weekly time that you’ll play it.  I know of many couples that use it as part of their date night, while others use it on Sunday night as a way to complete their week.  Whenever you use it, I think you’ll find it to be a simple but powerful tonic for togetherness. 

My job in life is to help people get high.   The problem is, the word “high” has been co-opted by people who take various drugs.  Yet, I’m talking about getting high without drugs.  I want to help people—that means you—feel joy, ecstasy, and even profound feelings of love simply by tapping into the pharmacy between your own ears. After all, we’ve been told by sages that the “Kingdom of Heaven is within,” so we know it must be possible.  However, up till now, most people haven’t known of easy keys to unlock that Kingdom.  All that is about to change. I recently wrote a book called, “The Technology of Joy: The 101 Best Apps, Gadgets, Tools and Supplements for Feeling More Delight in Your Life.”  (Here’s a link if you want to buy it for $12.95, or $7.99 on Kindle)  Technology of Joy book.

In the book, I review all the best ways to feel great without having to harm your body.  For thousands of years, human beings have tried various ways to tap into states of joy and ecstasy.  From drumming and drugs to meditation and fasting, people have always yearned for something beyond the mechanical nature of ordinary life.  Fortunately, the “technologies” for feeling fantastic have, in recent years, gotten better and better.   Instead of spending hours a day meditating, you can now achieve a similar experience in ten minutes of hacking your way to happiness.  To me, that is what the science of “neuro-hacking” is really all about.

In my quest to find the easiest and best tools for neuro-hacking, I’ve tried virtually everything out there.  My friends generally laugh when they hear me extol the benefits of the latest gadget or supplement I am using.  However, once they actually try out my newest gizmo or pill, they invariably ask, “How much is this and where can I get it?” People are often shocked at how much better the tools for neuro-hacking have become over the last few years.  Of course, people react differently to different tools and substances. That being said, there are three amazing new tools that my friends and I are using that will likely blow your mind.  Let me describe them.

The first “tool” is a supplement called “Qualia.”  Qualia is what is called a “nootropic.”  Nootropics are a class of substances that safely increase energy, focus, and/or mood.   You could say that caffeine is a type of nootropic, yet in a quest for the perfect drug, new nootropics are always coming out.  Over the years, they’ve gotten better.  Of the over 30 different substances I’ve tried, Qualia is hands down the winner.   First of all, it feels great in my body.  It is filled with a lot of different types of brain food that are known to be good for you.  Secondly, it simultaneously increases energy, focus and mood—and I’m not talking a little bit.  If you’ve seen the movie or TV show “Limitless,” you get a sense of what may one day be possible.  Qualia isn’t quite like what you see in the movie, but it’s the closest thing to a “magic pill” that’s out there.

There are downsides to taking Qualia.  First of all, it’s not cheap.  Depending on your body size and sensitivity, you need to take between 3 and 8 pills in the morning.  That can run you between $2 and $5 dollars a day.  That sounds like a lot of money until you discover that it makes you feel fantastic–and you get a lot more done.  For the price of a latte, you can feel and be at your best for an entire day.   While everyone’s body is different and a few people don’t love the stuff, most people are surprised that something that feels this good is actually good for you –and legal!  If you want to save yourself a lot of time and trouble trying out various nootropics, I suggest you begin with the very best and see what it does for you.  Qualia is the Tesla of nootropics, and if you take it for a “test ride,” you’ll be amazed.  You can get a 10% discount on ordering Qualia by using this link: http://neurohacker.com/findinghappiness/?ref=15 and putting in the coupon code: FindingHappiness

A second neuro-hack worth checking out is something called a “Whole Body Vibration machine,” or WBV for short. Ten minutes of WBV equals one hour of conventional weight lifting–leading to increased muscle strength, bone density, flexibility, balance, and weight loss.  These machines have been around for a while, but like all technologies, they have gotten better and less expensive over the years.  Basically, you stand on something that is about two feet square and you turn it on and have it vibrate your entire body for one to ten minutes.

According to dozens of academic studies: (http://www.fullbodyvibration.com/research.html) WBV machines lead to massive neurological stimulation as your entire body vibrates twenty to fifty times a second.   As your muscles grow stronger, so does your brain and entire neurological system.  This is not a subtle effect.  The first time I tried a WBV machine, I thought my head was going to explode.  Within a minute of being “vibrated,” it felt like I had smoked two joints.  Yet, with repeated use of a WBV machine, I have felt less altered and more energized.  After just a couple of minutes, I feel a soothing sense of chi or life force moving through my body and brain.   I feel fully alive, awake, and alert.  For somewhere between $200 and $600 bucks, a WBV machine can consistently improve your mind, body, health, and happiness.   That’s impressive.  If you want to learn more about WBV machines, go to Vibration Machines. The woman in charge of this website is named Becky.  She’s very helpful if you want more information.

The third and final neuro-hack that can blow your socks off is something called, “The Thync.”  The Thync is a device about the size of a credit card that you place on your forehead for about ten minutes.  Through a Bluetooth connected app on your smartphone, it sends very subtle electrical impulses into your brain.  Why electrical impulses?  Because it has been found that certain electrical signals can lead to increased learning ability, energy, or even euphoric states of consciousness.  This technology, known as “transcranial Alternating Current Stimulation” or tACS for short has been around for a while.  Even the Pentagon has confirmed it as an effective way to increase learning ability and calmness in their soldiers (https://thebrainstimulator.net/research) .   Yet, the Thync is the first aCTS device that has been popularized as a consumer product. It’s like getting a good runner’s high—without the inconvenience of having to leave the couch.  Currently the Thync will run you about $200.

While each of the three neuro-hacks I’ve mentioned are rather impressive on their own, combining them can be truly incredible.  I like to start my mornings by downing four Qualia pills.  Then, I put the Thync on my forehead and stand on my WBV machine for about five minutes.  By the time I’m done with my shower, my brain has gone into overdrive with neurotransmitters that make me feel alert, euphoric, and focused.  Indeed, the synergistic effects of using several neuro-hacks at once is a whole new field to explore.  By using these three hacks at the same time, in just five minutes my well-being is greatly amplified.  I not only feel slightly “high,” I feel balanced, happy, and clear headed in a way that helps me get a lot done.

How do you react to my little morning ritual for feeling fantastic?  Most people who hear of my morning ritual are initially skeptical.  They worry that what I’m doing is “unnatural.”  They fret that technology can have negative consequences.  All true.   Yet, over the years, I’ve noticed such skepticism is quickly overturned when people actually try out the supplements and gadgets I enjoy.  As I mentioned before, as soon as someone experiences a technology that works for them their immediate response is, “How much is this and where can I get one?”  Like a religious convert, they soon become ardent followers of the wonders of neuro-hacking.

It’s hard to say exactly what the future holds, although Steve Jobs was seemingly pretty good at predicting it. In 1972 I had the rare opportunity to be in a computer class with Steve Jobs.  Of course, at the time he was just a nerdy teen and I was four years his junior.  He and I would vie to play tic-tac-toe on a 500 pound “computer” that our high school had recently purchased.  Steve was obsessed with this machine.  One day I asked Steve why he was so fixated on this refrigerator sized computer.  He turned to me and said in an intense manner, “Don’t you see?  This machine is going to change everything! It’s going to change the world!”

At the time, I didn’t see how this refrigerator-sized tic-tac-toe playing machine was going to change the world, but it turns out Steve Jobs was right.  Well, nowadays it may not seem like the latest brain supplement, neuro-stimulator, or mood enhancing machine is going to change the world, but technology has a way of slowly but surely creeping into our lives.   It didn’t take very long for massive computers to get a lot better, smaller, cheaper, and faster—to the point where almost everyone has one.  In a similar way, it will surprise many people how fast the neuro-hacking revolution will sweep the world.   Fortunately, the future is already here for those brave and curious enough to give it a test ride.

I popped the pink pill into my mouth and waited for the expected feelings of ecstasy.  No, the pill wasn’t the drug XTC, but rather a legal and safe alternative. Then I put on my trans-cranial stimulation device, known as the Thync, and waited to see what happened. Wow! After five minutes, it felt like my brain was flooding me with endorphins. Finally, I placed the scalp stimulator known as the Tingler on my head. When I did this, an orgasmic wave of intense pleasure rippled through my entire body. After a few minutes of this frenzied euphoria, I took off the devices and went about my day. Having just been catapulted into sweet ecstasy, my day became both incredibly productive and happy.

This is not a future scenario. This is how I like to start my mornings. Nowadays, there are new and improved ways to feel good—even ecstatic—that most people don’t know anything about.  In an age when depression is rampant and dangerous drug use is epidemic, amazing new ways to feel peaceful, euphoric, and just plain happy are popping up all over the place. However, people miss out on these amazing methods because they simply don’t know about them. From safe drugs to “happy apps,” to high tech brain stimulation devices, a whole new world of ways to feel good is blossoming.

We live in an age where everything is shifting and accelerating.   Yet, most people still pursue an ancient path for finding happiness.  Their formula for being happy is to try to control all the external events and people in their lives to be exactly the way they want.  This is a tiresome activity at best, and there are always some events and people that we can’t control.
However, there is a new model for finding more joy and peace of mind: find it within your self.  Of course, this is a not a new idea.  Everyone from the Buddha to Jesus has said that heaven can be found within, but now there are cutting edge and more efficient ways to tap into this magical kingdom.

About a year ago I was invited to talk to Google employees about “The Future of Happiness.”  I described new ways to control their minds and emotions that were more effective than trying to be happy by controlling all the events in their life.  The reaction was intense.  Everyone wanted to know what some of these innovative ways to “hack happiness” were, and
how they could get them.  That led me to write a book on the subject. In my research I learned that different things work for different people. For example, there are a lot of supplements known as “cognitive enhancers” that can dramatically increase your focus, energy, and mood.
Yet, you have to try out many of them in order to find the one or two that really rock your world.   I also learned that people define happiness in unique ways.  Some people want a gadget that increases their pleasure, while other folks want a tool that improves their relationships or makes them feel totally peaceful.

Because I’m a junkie for joy, I’m continually trying the latest thing. As with all technologies, “inner” tech keeps getting better  In fact, I’ve found that some of the apps and gizmos I’ve tried helped train me to reach higher states of consciousness more easily.  For example, I’ve found I can easily access feelings of bliss now that I’ve felt such things while using
meditation apps or my Thync neuro-stimulator.  When a supplement, gadget, or app can help you learn to access your own joy more efficiently, I think that’s a really good thing.

It’s hard to say exactly what the future holds, though Steve Jobs was seemingly pretty good at predicting it. In 1972 I had the rare opportunity to be in a computer class with Steve Jobs.  Of course, at the time he was just a nerdy teen and I was four years his junior.  He and I would vie to play Tic-tac-toe on a 500 pound “computer” that our High School had recently
purchased.  Steve was obsessed with this machine.  One day I asked Steve why he was so fixated on this refrigerator sized computer.  He turned to me and said in an intense manner, “Don’t you see?  This machine is going to change everything! It’s going to change the world!”
It turns out Steve Jobs was right.  Well, nowadays it may not seem like the latest brain supplement, neuro-stimulator, or mood enhancing app is going to change the world, but technology has a way of slowly but surely creeping into our lives.

In fact, I believe our ways of finding happiness, peace, and even love are all being updated by advancing technology.  This “technology of joy” will only accelerate until the entire way we pursue happiness is transformed in the next few years. While some of these gadgets or tools can cost hundreds of dollars, I list more than thirty of them in my book that cost less than a latte.  Currently, many of these apps, supplements and gadgets are pretty unknown, but soon
that will change. As science fiction writer William Gibson once said, “The future is already here—it’s just not very evenly distributed.”  By investing a little time and money in this blossoming field, you can find a few things that are remarkable and mind-blowing.  In a world where we’re all too busy and distracted, more effective ways to tap into the peace, joy and love
within can be a truly wonderful thing.

The term “cognitive enhancer”  or “nootropics” denotes any supplement that has the potential to increase mental alertness, intelligence, focus, and/or clarity of mind.  If you ever saw the movie or TV show “Limitless,” you can understand the possibilities inherent in such a product.  Caffeine is the most popular drug in the world—partly because it makes you more mentally alert with a minimum of negative side effects.  Yet, nowadays there are many cognitive enhancing supplements you can buy at your health food store or online.  All you need is some money, some time to explore, and an open mind.

First the bad news.  I will make many recommendations in this blog, but you should know that people react very differently to many of these supplements.  I suggest that, when possible, you buy and try a very small amount of any of these pills and see what effect they have on you.  Only by trying them out will you know exactly what they do for you.  In addition, people vary a lot in terms of the amount of each drug or supplement that is the right dose for them.  Case in point:  when I drink coffee (which is rare), a full cup sends me on a wild productivity and emotional roller coaster for about 12 hours.  On the other hand, some people drink 5 cups a day and barely register any effect.   In general, start out conservatively and then if nothing happens, you can always take more.

Now the good news.  There’s many great, safe, and legal cognitive enhancers to choose from.  I’ll mention several of my favorites, along with web sites where you can purchase them. Yet, since there are so many, I suggest you google “cognitive enhancers” or go to the websites I suggest and do some research on your own.  There are two cognitive enhancers in the “racetam” class I especially like.  One is called “Aniracetam,” and the other is called “Pramiracetam.”  Aniracetam is shorter acting, but maybe better at improving one’s mood, whereas Pramiracetam is longer acting, and more powerful when it comes to creating mental focus.  You can buy both of these on many websites, including www.absorbyourhealth.com   It’s best to try a small amount of each to see which one you might like better.   A good guide to learn more about these supplements is the website: www.smarternootropics.com  Once there, click on the free “The Complete Guide to Nootropics.”

As I mentioned before, people react differently to these pills.  While they are considered safe, some people don’t feel them right away.  Especially with Pramiracetam, you may have to take it for up to a week to feel its full effect.  There is also some evidence that their effect is increased if taken in conjunction with 300 to 600 mg of  CDP choline, or an Omega 3 supplement.  I’ve enjoyed both.  I find I can really focus better with either of them, and they can often help get me into “the zone” where my mind is both quiet and clear.  Try them if you have the money and see what they can do for you.

Next, I want to discuss the wonders of Adrafinil.  Adrafinil is a supplement that turns into Modafinil once injested in your body.  Modafinil is a prescription medication the army uses to keep soldiers incredibly alert and focused for long periods of time. Adrafinil is non-presription, but also works quite well.  My personal experience with both of these pills is rather intense.  If I want to stay focused and alert for 12 hours, I take a half dose Modafini, or 300 mg of Adrafinil.   If I want to simply be at my best throughout the day, I might take a quarter of the regular dose.  Taking a supplement called Phenibut (250 to 500 mg) can be a nice addition to Adrafinil.  When I needed to write 30 pages in a day for a book I was doing, I found that taking some Adrafinil and Phenibut made the job easy—and I had a great time doing it.  Adrafinil is available for sale online, but don’t take it more than once or twice a week

If cost is a big factor for you, you can get supplements such as phosphatidyl choline or DMAE at Vitacost.com for very little money. My experience with these pills is that they are more subtle than the other things I’ve mentioned.  However, both of these products are considered to be perfectly safe long term, and have been shown to have cognitive enhancing abilities if taken regularly.  By the way, I have no financial arrangement with any of the companies I recommend.   My motivation in recommending certain online sites is simply to help you gain more information and/or find these products at a reliable and inexpensive source. 

Finally, I want to recommend the site www.webnutrients.com.   This site has many innovative products of the cognitive and mood enhancing type that you can easily purchase.  In fact, by filling out their online questionnaire, you can have your pills tailor made to meet your exact needs and desires.  They have something called “Happy Caps” that indeed affect your mind and mood, something called “Real NZT” that’s a wild mental ride, and my favorite, a cap called “Focus,” that both gives me focus and blisses me out.   If you’re interested in the field of cognitive enhancing pills, this site is worth checking out.  Yet, know that you will have to go through a trial and error period to know what dosage and what pills work best for you.  

If money is not a major limiting factor for you, there’s some new stuff always coming out that many consider the “Cadillac” of cognitive enhancers and dementia preventers.   The web site: http://ForrestHealth.com has a lot of the latest and greatest brain supplements.  I would recommend Brain Vital and Brain Vibrant Supreme, but Phos Cal 900, or Energy 1 and Energy 2 sprays are also worth checking out.

Lastly, I’ll talk about an old favorite—caffeine.  The biggest problem with caffeine is the tendency towards developing a quick tolerance.  Yet, if you know of other options for energy and focus beyond a cup of coffee, you can vary your supplementation so you don’t develop such a quick tolerance for caffeine.  If caffeine can make you jittery, consider downing your coffee or energy drink with a supplement known as L-theanine.  A lot of people report that the combo of caffeine and 200 mg of L-theanine is a nice, smooth, energetic ride without the caffeine crash at the end.

Rather than give you a thorough data dump of all the cognitive enhancers out there, my aim has been to introduce you to this fast developing and exciting field.   Hopefully the information I supplied here is enough to give you a direction and starting point.  Yet, if these pills intrigue you, start by buying a small amount and see how it goes for you.  You can even “mix and match” until you find a combination that seems to really suit your needs. Once you find some pills that seem to have a truly positive effect on your mood and focus, and are also devoid of negative side effects, you got a friend for life.